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Category Archives: love

That night I dreamed of my ex

The other night was the night I dreamed of an ex. I only had three past failed relationships in my entire life. The first one–even with our tumultuous Romeo and Juliet kind-of-thing and a history together  — don’t even count.  I dreamed of the boy I fell in love with and had broken my heart.  And although I knew from the start that there wouldn’t be a happy ending for us, I still plunged in head over heels. Yet, as serious as I was with him, nobody knew the real depth of emotion I felt, not even him. I hid my feelings from anyone.  I knew even then, he really didn’t feel the same way about me. Sure I know he felt something. Like. Lust. And maybe some tinge of love. But nowhere near how I felt for him. So Anyways, that was a long time ago.   Exactly fifteen years ago.  I had moved on and moved past from that time of my life and been married for almost eleven years now.

It was strange to dream of someone I haven’t thought of for years.  Stranger still to feel long ago emotions again where I still feel something for a boy I once loved in that weird dream of mine.  It was like being in that moment where I still loved my ex. But what weirded me out was that in that dream, my ex was as young as when I knew him then and I was like I am now–a woman in her mid 30s–and feeling the same feelings I had for him thirteen years past. Yikes!

And now after hours from that dream, I’m having some sort of hangover. Where I didn’t think or much less care how he was before that dream, I now wonder what became of him and feel a prick of sadness for the girl I once was and the love I had for him. It’s like I’m feeling the tiniest hint of the past pain when I’m actually really happy and in love with the person I ended up with.  Stupid weird dream that was.

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Vaginoplasty and labiaplasty: from someone who’d actually done it

I confess I did it. And I did it for what others may perceive to be shallow reasons. It proved to be the best decision I made last year and never regretted it for a minute.

Folks, I got five kids. Yes, FIVE! That’s how many they are. The last one was born through Caesarean Section. It wasn’t for lack of trying to push my baby out, though. My one and the only boy got his umbilical cord around his foot and leg and he was curled the wrong way; and so every time I tried to push him out, he went back in. And I was getting older at 36 and didn’t have it in me to push some more. I guess my age just got me on this one hence the CS. The point is that although I may have four (still quite a lot) vaginal births, I had also strained my muscle walls from attempting a vaginal birth of my son. And I must admit that aging, multiple vaginal births(no matter that your OB patched you up real good after) and lots of sex throughout your married life ultimately affect and weaken and changed my vagina appearance. Yeah, I know about Kegel exercises, I’ve been doing the exercises since in my twenties until today. Well, it does help tighten those love muscles up but it doesn’t help much with the appearance, does it?

So on February of 2014, I had a laser vaginoplasty. The first time I had sex after the prescribed weeks of no sexual contact was more painful than enjoyable. And there were particular sex positions that were really impossible to do because it hurt like hell. It was like that for a couple of months more. But eventually, man oh man, was the sex getting good. I know, even if my husband didn’t admit wanting me to undergo that surgery, he was and is, enjoying our sex way more than he did prior.

 

 

 

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photo credit to the owner

 

Yes, the procedure is quite pricey, but if you really want something, you’ll find a way to get it done.  I was lucky that I availed of some sort of promo discount of a certain cosmetic surgeon in my country. And I really set aside some money for it too.

I may not have a beautiful body and youth on my side anymore, but the confident sexuality that the vaginoplasty has given me, and years of experience is incomparable. I am way more confident in my femininity and my sexuality now at forty with five children than I ever was before in my early twenties. And you can bet your ass, my husband is reaping and enjoying the fruits of that confidence more so now than he had before.